Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Fact: Love is wild and harsh.
She rejected me.
That makes it six consecutive heartbreaks for the past three years. I have grown accustomed to rejection, hell, it's my holy friggin' bestfriend when it comes in love. I don't even know why I told her that I like her- knowing that she's too much for me and I should have stayed my mouth shut. OK, I admit. I was hoping a little she'll like me too, hoping a little that my good attitude would compensate my horrible looks and empty wallet.
Clearly, it wasn't enough. It took only one sentence of nine words to throw all that hope in the trash bin.
I told her it's OK, I understand, that's the way of life. A very obvious lie, of course. I am not OK that time, I assure you that. We talked a little more, but the pain in my heart was too much that I have to cut the conversation short. And then, out of the blue, the rage began.
I was angry at her, angry at myself, angry at God, angry at the whole wide world.
I threw all my books in a cardboard box, cursing all the time. I'll point at one book and whisper with grim hatred, 'Cyrano de Bergerac, you fuck shit, I took your advice, and newsflash, baby: She didn't like it.' or at another book, 'Ed Kennedy, freaking loser, how come you got Audrey when you're only a taxi driver for God's sake'. I swear, if my roommates were there, they really would be surprised by my sudden outburst. And if fiction characters are real, they'll surely kill me for showering them with curses.*
Rage subsided for exhaustion and realization. After a few minutes lying in my bed, I realized that I shouldn't have burst like that. I anticipated the rejection, I should have remained calm. It was hope. I shouldn't have hoped, even for a little. It took only an ounce of hope rejected to throw my books in a cardboard box.
What more if I hoped a lot?
I'll burn the dorm to its very foundation, more than likely. Haha. Thankfully, I'm moving on right now. Little shots of depression here and there, but I'm moving on. And my books are back on their places, thank you very much.
*Although I was angry by that time, it was quite funny to talk to books as if they were alive. Very nice. Try it at home, folks. Just make sure the doors and windows are closed. Tata. ^^
She rejected me.
That makes it six consecutive heartbreaks for the past three years. I have grown accustomed to rejection, hell, it's my holy friggin' bestfriend when it comes in love. I don't even know why I told her that I like her- knowing that she's too much for me and I should have stayed my mouth shut. OK, I admit. I was hoping a little she'll like me too, hoping a little that my good attitude would compensate my horrible looks and empty wallet.
Clearly, it wasn't enough. It took only one sentence of nine words to throw all that hope in the trash bin.
I told her it's OK, I understand, that's the way of life. A very obvious lie, of course. I am not OK that time, I assure you that. We talked a little more, but the pain in my heart was too much that I have to cut the conversation short. And then, out of the blue, the rage began.
I was angry at her, angry at myself, angry at God, angry at the whole wide world.
I threw all my books in a cardboard box, cursing all the time. I'll point at one book and whisper with grim hatred, 'Cyrano de Bergerac, you fuck shit, I took your advice, and newsflash, baby: She didn't like it.' or at another book, 'Ed Kennedy, freaking loser, how come you got Audrey when you're only a taxi driver for God's sake'. I swear, if my roommates were there, they really would be surprised by my sudden outburst. And if fiction characters are real, they'll surely kill me for showering them with curses.*
Rage subsided for exhaustion and realization. After a few minutes lying in my bed, I realized that I shouldn't have burst like that. I anticipated the rejection, I should have remained calm. It was hope. I shouldn't have hoped, even for a little. It took only an ounce of hope rejected to throw my books in a cardboard box.
What more if I hoped a lot?
I'll burn the dorm to its very foundation, more than likely. Haha. Thankfully, I'm moving on right now. Little shots of depression here and there, but I'm moving on. And my books are back on their places, thank you very much.
*Although I was angry by that time, it was quite funny to talk to books as if they were alive. Very nice. Try it at home, folks. Just make sure the doors and windows are closed. Tata. ^^
love is complicated but it isn't always wild and harsh. :p it's ok, we all have our moments. we just have to wait kasi our love stories aren't written yet. hala, ano daw? :)) btw, natawa naman ako sa footnote mo. :))
naku, si bespren.
well, sa kaso ng mga besprens, kumplikado talaga. dapat timbangin mo ng matino. nangyari na yan sa'kin dati. sasabog na ako pag di ko pa nasabi kay bespren na gusto ko siya. pero mabait ang tadhana. may contest sa radyo, tumawag ako, tas nagbigay ng love advice ang mga callers. nanalo ako ng premyo. nakatulong pa sila sa pag-iisip ko.
unang kinosider ko eh kung gaano ko ba siya kakilala at kung sabihin ko un sa kanya, ano kaya magiging reaksyon niya?
pangalawa eh kung gusto ko bang maging magkaibigan kmi ng matagal. shempre oo ako. mula persyear hayskul, hanggang ngayon, super uber frends pa din kami.
so ang ginawa ko, i asked her kung what if, i told my other close frend na gusto ko siya. sabi ko, "paano kung ikaw si...at sinabi kong mahal kita, ano maiging reaksyon mo?"
at ang sabi niya, "eeh. parang ayoko"
so ayun.
i decided to keep the friendship.
nagka-relasyon siya ng iba. ako din.
pero still, i get to keep her.
at malaya kong nasasabi sa kanya ngayon na maahal ko siya.mas lalong tumibay ang relasyon namin.
hayun.
maayus pa naman yan.
chill lang.
nice entry, btw.
apir!
@erika- hahaha. try mo sa bahay! :))
@bulitas- wow, galing. sana ganun din kami, ok lang sa'kin di sya maging akin, kahit friends lang. haha. and thanks for the compliment. i read your blog, too. it's damn nice. ^^
Girls are so unpredictable. Sometimes, you'll catch their eyes, staring at you like you're the prettiest guy on earth. But when you told them about your feelings and all, they will suddenly hate you, and curse you, for Pete's sake! But eventually, they'll miss you like hell. For the love of You-Know-Who, are they nagpapakipot lang or what? .....Reminds me of a song. Hehehe. :D
@jmar- lol, your comment is a mirror to your recent post, that's damn nice. thanks for reading my blog, yo. ^^
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